The Expendables 3 movie review (2014) | Roger Ebert (2024)

Had directorSteve James replaced the brief shot of topless women with hundreds of men beingmachine-gunned to death, “Life Itself” might have gotten the PG-13 rating “TheExpendables III” hilariously brandishes. To quote The Waco Kid, Sly Stalloneand his band of merry old action stars “kill more men than Cecil B. DeMille,”yet somehow this is more kid-friendly than bare breasts. In fact, no one in “TheExpendables III” takes his shirt off, presumably because Terry Crews’ obscenelymassive pecs alone would almost guarantee an R.

It is genuinefarce to follow the gore-soaked prior installments of this franchise with onewhere people manage to get shot 72 million times yet never lose an ounce ofblood. Throats are slit and villains are impaled on impressive-looking cutlerywith suitably gruesome-sounding effects, yet the bodies may as well be filledwith air or Lucky Charms marshmallows. When one considers that “The ExpendablesIII” plays as a torch-passing from my generation of action fans to the currentgeneration, that PG-13 is an old man’s sly jab at the toughness of youngwhippersnappers. The audience for the first "Expendables" grew up on the hard-Rbrutality its stars dished out in the '80s and early '90s. Once the younger actorsof today get tossed in the mix, the series suddenly takes a kinder, gentlerapproach to its extreme violence.

This has tobe an intentional wink from Stallone and his contemporaries. They know theirdays are not only numbered as action stars, but probably should have ended longago. It’s no longer just about old-school smashmouth displays of force in today’sactioners. Tech-savviness is the new black. As crazy as this sounds, this isn’ta hypothesis crafted from thin air; it’s actually the plot of “The ExpendablesIII.”

Barney(Stallone) hires a new, younger crew after his usual cronies botch a mission.Barney feels his old band of brothers have given enough to the Expendables, sohe retires them. Part of the change of heart stems from Barney’s realizationthat Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), a man he once thought he killed, is the target ofthe botched mission. Stonebanks shoots Caesar (Crews), sending Barney on theguilt trip that leads to his disbanding of the team.

Afterdemanding that his crew enjoy the rest of their lives, Barney embarks on asuicide mission with his younger charges, all of whom are skilled not only incombat but also in those computer thingees Barney just doesn’t understand. Ofcourse, the new kids on the block manage to get kidnapped by Stonebanks,forcing Barney to call his old team back into action. This is a glorious panderto my middle-aged brethren.

We’ve cometo the part of the review where I’m supposed to justify my favorable rating bytelling you to “turn your brain off” in order to enjoy “The Expendables III.” I’mnot going to do that, because that’s an insult to you, me and the movie.Instead, I want you to pay close attention to “The Expendables III“, because ifyou’re on its wavelength, you’ll discover an incredibly self-aware streak of obsessivecompulsion running through it. When it comes to nostalgic detail, this is aRussian nesting doll of a movie. Allusions beget deeper allusions, tying thelevels together in an almost endless game of “Six Degrees of Action Movie Separation.”There’s a Marvel Universe-sized dollop of slavish devotion for fans ofStallone, Schwarzenegger, Statham and Gibson.

For example,Antonio Banderas co-stars as Galgo, a candidate for Barney’s new crew. Banderasand Stallone last appeared as antagonists in the Wachowskis’ “Assassins”.Rather than recreate that character, Banderas instead plays a cross betweenPuss ‘n Boots and Joe Pesci’s Leo Getz character from the “Lethal Weapon”series. Gibson repays the favor by repeating a line from Banderas’ “Desperado.”In the climactic action sequence, Gibson also gives viewers the chance to see Riggsfrom “Lethal Weapon” battle Rambo for the belated title of “Craziest Tough Guy:‘80s Edition”.

Schwarzeneggerrepeats catchphrases from “Commando” (“I lied”) and other movies, while WesleySnipes makes his entrance on a literal money train (minus Woody Harrelson)before reuniting with his nemesis from “Demolition Man.” Even that PG-13 evokesmemories of the rating on the third installment of the R-rated Mad Max series(starring Stonebanks himself). Practically every line and every combination ofthe older Expendables characters evokes this type of connection, and the movieknows it’s doing so. That contributed greatly to my good time.

If you choosenot to get trapped in the movie’s spider web of nostalgia, there are stillpleasures to be had. Gibson sinks his teeth into his big villainous monologue,and seeing him with his mouth taped is sure to inspire applause. Snipes gets agood joke about tax evasion and several action scenes to remind us that weshould “always bet on black.” There’s charming chemistry between Statham andStallone, and a helicopter-flying Harrison Ford shows up to use the type oflanguage Spielberg and Lucas wouldn’t let him use as Han Solo nor Indiana Jones.

The youngerExpendables are given the Muppet Babies treatment; they’re portrayed asmini-versions of their original counterparts. Standing out from this bunch isMMA fighter Ronda Rousey who displays a leadership quality that aligns her withBarney despite her stereotypical entrance fighting several men while dressedfor maximum hotness. I hope I live to see the day when a woman open a six-packof Whup-Ass while decked out in curlers and furry Mommy slippers rather than aminiskirt and heels.

As dopey andbloodless as the action sequences are, they keep the film moving at a briskerpace than its 2-hour-plus running time indicates. The film culminates with ascene so preposterous that, if it is indeed Stallone’s swan-song in the action moviegenre, it’s a worthy exit. We’ve seen hundreds of instances of heroesoutrunning Joel Silveresque fireballs. Stallone outruns an entire building asit collapses from strategically placed bombs. It’s no spoiler that he survives,but after this, there’s nothing left to prove and no place to go but down.

Unlike mostfilm series, “The Expendables III” sows the seeds for its own youthful reboot.Let’s hope “The Expendables 4” is filled with “Rocky III”-style montages ofStallone and company imparting expertise before riding off into a calm,explosion-free sunset. This series has run out of nostalgia to coast on, butwhat a final burnout it had.